Thinking: Betrayal
by Daelan
Summary: ((Complete)) Daiken. Angsty. Second in Thinking arc. "And you know what? I think I love him."


Disclaimer: Oh, what the heck. Digimon doesn't belong to me. Go bug someone else now.  
  
A/N: Second in the Thinking series... Dai-kun now! Whee! *glomps Ken and Dai* I think I can make this follow along episode lines, but  
keep it Kensuke. Well, sorta Kensuke, anyways... keep in mind, I've only watched until the episode right after Stingmon and XV-mon  
Jogress... so I haven't watched the infamous episode 50, and the only thing I know (and I'm not sure of that, even.) is that Ken marries  
Miyako and has three children. *cries* Those people who own digimon are cruel, cruel, cruel! =( c'mon, Ken and Dai are meant to be  
to be together! The best pairings are the Jogress partners. *whistles happily to herself* Okay, you can read the fic now.  
  
Thinking - Betrayal  
  
Brown.  
  
But that just doesn't describe her! Okay, she's got brown eyes and brown hair. But it's _more_ than just brown. Her eyes shine with just  
a hint of gold in them, her hair gleams, shimmering... what can I say? I've never been good with words. But she's beautiful.  
  
She's cruel.  
  
Yeah, yeah, not her fault. I've known for a long time that she and Takaishi-kun were dating. Guess I just didn't want to believe it. All my  
life I've never had anything. My parents... okay, I suppose. But they don't really want me. They did want a daughter - Jun - but not me.  
I was an accident. And she was too far along by the time they found out, to have an abortion.  
  
Oh, that just makes you feel sooo wanted.  
  
'nee-chan cares about me... she is so overprotective at times. There was once when this jerk at school hit me, and when she found out,  
she rushed straight over to that kid and socked him good. I mean, really! She actually knocked out a tooth! Or broke it in half, anyway.  
  
But she can't protect me now.  
  
So anyway, I was never needed by anyone. I needed 'nee-chan, not the other way round! She was protecting her otouto-chan. In fact,  
she got in a lot of trouble because of me. I blame myself for that, even if she tells me not to. D'you know, I call her onee-sama in my   
mind... she'd murder me if she found out I thought of her like that, but it's true. I respect her.  
  
No one needs me. Ken did for a while, just after Wormmon died, and before he found him again as Leafmon. The others are okay with  
him now, I guess. Not totally, but it's not like I'm his only friend.  
  
Am I?  
  
He told me once that I was. I just laughed it off, but now I wonder if he was serious.  
  
I tend to get side-tracked a lot, ne?  
  
Can't seem to focus. My mind just keeps wandering all over the place... um, okay. Like I was saying, no one needs me. So I thought,  
the best way to remedy that is to get in a relationship. I mean, in a relationship, there's a mutual need, right? I might need the other person  
a bit, but that's okay, 'cos she needs me too. And who would be the perfect candidate?  
  
Man, you _are_ dense if you haven't figured that out.  
  
Yagami, of course. Hikari-chan.  
  
That is, if we just conveniently forgot the fact that she was dating Takeru.  
  
You know something? That was going to be the last time I asked her. I'd promised myself that. I told myself that if she turned me down  
again, I wouldn't bother her again. That I'd treat her as a friend and nothing more. After all, all my life I've been unwanted. Why should  
now be any different, just because I want it to be?  
  
And she said yes.  
  
You would not believe how long I spent preparing. Jun-chan was exhilarated when she heard, and she dragged me out shopping. Got me  
new clothes, suit, shirt, shoes, the works. She even paid for it with her own money. And she even gave me money to take Hikari to this  
sushi bar she'd said she wanted to go to.  
  
We'd planned to meet at the sushi bar, and I was a little early. Bought her a nice white rose - yeah, traditionally supposed to be red, but  
Hikari likes white. Then I waited.  
  
And waited.  
  
And waited.  
  
Finally, it was apparent even to me that she wasn't going to show. So I walk out of the bar, feeling quite low, and what do I see?  
  
Them, of course. Kissing. Sitting on the bench and kissing.  
  
Chikuso, I cannot begin to tell you how I felt at that point. Like I said, I'm not good with words, but this transcends words in any case.  
Anger, betrayal, pain, sadness, all rolled in one. Like all my life has been.  
  
So I went to the only place I knew I could go.  
  
No, not to onee-sama. She was having a sleepover at her friend's house. I went to Ken's place.  
  
Thankfully, his parents weren't around. Working late shifts, I guess. He opened the door and when I saw him there, looking so sweet  
and caring - more than Hikari was! - I just collapsed.  
  
And you know what?  
  
He put up with it.  
  
He even seemed to support me. He seemed to be on my side, against Hikari. He held me as I cried. I think I pretty much ruined his  
Tamachi uniform that night. But he didn't seem to mind. He just... held me. Cradled me close to him like a little baby. And the rose... I  
just dropped it on the floor. I think it's still there. Neither of us wants to touch it, and since his parents never come into his room...  
  
And you know what? I think I love him.  
  
He once told me that it's something he never had. I haven't either, not really, except from 'nee-sama. And that love was the  
overpowering kind. I wanted love that was between equals.  
  
Ken and I are equals.  
  
But who am I kidding? He'll never feel the same way for me. I mean, the man's in love with Miyako. His future's assured. He'll marry  
Miyako, have two or three children, get a good job, be really successful. He's a genius, he'll be able to make loads of money.  
  
So here we have a second betrayal. And the best part is, he doesn't even know he's doing it.  
  
He thinks I'm still crying about Hikari. If only he knew. That I cry about him. That first night, yes, it was because of Hikari. But it was that  
same night that I realised how much I love him. Truly and utterly need him. And since I don't have anyone else to turn to, I have to cry to  
him. About him.  
  
But he'll never know, will he?  
  
~beep~  
  
I wonder why he looks so sad. Why he's crying... for that matter, why are the others there? It's not like any of them cared about me at  
all... Ken, I can understand. We were friends, even if I wanted it to be more. At least friends.  
  
I'm surrounded by white. Clean and pristine and pure.  
  
And I'm alone and alone and alone and alone.  
  
I don't want to be alone anymore.  
  
~beep~  
  
Death might bring release... should I even be thinking of suicide? It's wrong, I know...  
  
Where am I? I've been thinking for so long, I've lost track. Last I remember, I was at home. In the kitchen... and I remember red... then  
suddenly, I'm here. So where's here?  
  
My eyes fly open, and Ken gasps, startled.  
  
~beep-beep~  
  
Noise and noise and noise and my ears hurt. People rushing around me, tucking blankets around me, asking me questions. Their voices  
sound fuzzy, just like they look. I see Ken, but since when has he had a twin? I blink and try to focus.  
  
And things come flooding back.  
  
Death would have brought release... but no, I've been cheated of that too.  
  
Betrayed.  
  
For the third time.  
  
~owari~ 


End file.
